


Recursion

by octopodian



Category: Tribe Twelve
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Time Loop, canon compliant but like. imaginatively so, milo has a husband in one of the failed timeloops is that a ship, really really minor though.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 12:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15819297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopodian/pseuds/octopodian
Summary: Reset. Do it again. Do it better. Maintain the loop at all costs.The memories fade, but they don't completely go away. They linger.This time, this failure, he lets himself sit. He looks at Noah, motionless, and lets himself remember: a moment of contemplation before the page is turned and a new chapter begins.





	Recursion

Standing over his dead body is something he still isn't used to.

 

He's no stranger to it: he's watched himself die over and over and over. Past versions of himself who weren't strong enough, who fought long and hard but couldn't make it, who went so far only to give up and give in. His friends die too: Kevin, Milo, his parents, Karl... Countless times, the world is plunged into darkness, and the monsters win. He knows this, and he knows he has to stop it, because he's the only one who can.

 

Still, it's a weird feeling. 

 

Every time he fails, he resets. The memories fade, but they don't completely go away. They linger.

 

This time, this failure, he lets himself sit. He looks at Noah, motionless, and lets himself remember: a moment of contemplation before the page is turned and a new chapter begins.

 

In one timeline, Milo lives to be a happy old man. He and his husband even have a daughter. But Noah died as a child. Karl gave up the journal. The monsters won.

 

He knows what to do. Reset. Do it again. Do it better.

 

In another, Noah and Milo both grow up seeing the tall man. They confide in each other, they work together, and they almost win.

 

Almost.

 

Reset. Do it again.

 

Is it really the best outcome, having to watch Milo die? To put himself through hell for some slim chance at victory, for something to fuel his fucking savior complex?

 

Sometimes he takes Jeff's advice. Those are the hardest to move on from.

 

Again.

 

Once, he told Milo who he was, what Milo’s fate was, everything. He thought maybe that would save him, that maybe The Observer couldn’t kill him if he just knew how to protect himself. He thought that with his best friend he could finally end it all. He thought wrong.

 

Better. 

 

Beggars can't be choosers. It’s taken a very long time to get to where he is. One tiny fuckup and it could all go to waste. He  _ knows _ this. Painfully. He learned through experience: through scars.

 

He can't save Milo, he can't stop Mary, he can’t just let himself be fucking happy for once in his miserable life. He can only watch, and wait, and maintain the loop: watch himself feel worse and worse, watching himself slip further and further into depression and paranoia, all the time feeling like he's looking in a fucking mirror. Reliving the worst moments of his life, over and over, and knowing he is responsible for every single one.

 

Again, and again, and again...

 

If he stops, he’ll lose everything. He has to keep going. He has to win so he can finally rest. He can end this, they can end this. He knows how this story can end, and he’s so close. He can do this.

 

He just wishes he knew how.

 

He quietly murmurs an apology. 

 

_ I'm sorry, Noah. Next time, okay? I'll get it right next time. _

 

He resets. 

**Author's Note:**

> firebrand i am single. if you would like to be boyfriends together please let me kn


End file.
